The Holidays for Bi-National Same Sex Couples

As the holidays draw close, most people's thoughts turn to spending time with their loved ones, Christmas shopping and presents, large meals and family time.  For the 40,000 plus bi-national same sex couples, (estimated from the 2010 US Census)  the holidays often take on a different meaning:  Lonely separation. 

My lovely friend in Colorado will celebrate Christmas with her wife via Skype.  Her wife is British and lives in the UK.  In spite of her wife's extensive education, there is no "line" at the immigration office for this bi-national couple to get into.

VIDEO made by the US Citizen 

     

Follow Up Story:  Heartbreak for Lesbian Binational Couple: What's Changed in a Year

My very dear friend lives in California, her wife, her legal wife (married in Canada and in California) will be in England due to the United States immigration discriminatory laws. These two ladies pose no threat to anyone, as a matter of fact, the Californian is a Military Veteran.  In spite of serving her country, her country refuses to acknowledge her marriage to her lovely wife from the United Kingdom.  They, too, will spend Christmas apart....touching their computer screens instead of holding each other.

Their Story:  Part 1         Their Story:  Part 2

 I have a friend on twitter who is struggling on telling her son (age 2) and daughter (age 6), that their "other" Mom's visa may not be renewed.  Another family separated by the so called Defense of Marriage Act and immigration discrimination.  Will they be able to watch their children open their presents....together as a family?

  Things that heterosexuals take for granted, spending holiday's with the family, watching the kids open presents, sitting around the dinner table, are things that bi-national same sex couples pray to be a reality soon.  

For a bi-national couple living exiled in New Zealand, you would think that life is perfect for them, after all, they are together legally.    Here is the two of them singing together a song that the Hoosier wrote for her New Zealand wife.  The Hoosier longs to "sit on the porch and have a beer with her dad in Indiana"     

Say You Will

These are just a few of my bi-national friends.  I could go on and on about friends living in exile in Canada and two other couples moving to Canada before the end of the winter season, but I won't.  I won't tell you of a lovely New York couple.....as one of them is from New York the other from Italy... they struggle with issues that heterosexual couples would never even think about.  If they marry, will that cause problems with Homeland Security?  Will the New Yorker's lovely wife be "red flagged" by Homeland Security because of their marriage...even though it is legal in New York?

Think about us, think about the bi-national couples as you celebrate the holidays with your loved ones.  As you hug your sweetheart, know that others are just touching a computer screen.  As you snuggle with your children, know that bi-national couples are scared and worrying that their children will be torn from their non-US citizen parent.


There are some that live in the United States illegally, in civil disobedience, seeing this as the only option to be together.  Exile is not an option for some of these couples.  Moving to their partner's country is not an option in some of these cases.

Author, Judy Rickard, in a bi-national relationship herself, has written a book called

Torn Apart: United by Love Divided by Law

A repeal of DOMA needs to take place.  The passing of the Uniting American Families Act, needs to take place.  We are human beings.  We have families.  We have fallen in love with a person who is not a US Citizen.  We need to be allowed to be with our spouses...we need to be allowed to pursue our happiness.

Other Resources:
Out4Immigration
Stop the Deportations:  The DOMA Project
Immigration Equality
Lavi Soloway:  Attorney