Tuesday, January 11, 2011

I am My Beloved's and My Beloved is Mine

My dear friends, Inger and Philippa have graciously allowed me to put their story on my blog.  This is just one story and there are thousands of us living separate, in exile, or illegally just so we can be with the one that we love, with our families.  This is a cruel injustice being done and it needs to be made right.  I hope that as you read their inspiring story in their own words, you will be moved to action.

I am my beloved's,
and my beloved is mine
Song of Solomon 6:3

Inger:  I support The Uniting American Families Act because I am the American half of a bi-national couple and have been trying to find a legal way to sponsor my partner for the past 2 and 1/2 years. She is educated, no criminal record, a hard worker, has good credit, 2 jobs and is a parent to our 10 year old daughter. HOW on earth does that adversely affect our society? It’s been months since I last saw my partner. I have cleaned out my savings, having to use it for travel and phone bills. This imposed separation is harmful physically, mentally, emotionally, fiscally and familialy. No one would be harmed by granting people equal (not special) rights to sponsor their partners in fact we would all become healthier and more productive members of society instead of legislative outcasts. Pushed to abandon the country we call home, when our partners are willing to give up their lives and homes to start new here. Please realize that these are REAL people, and they are being HARMED by this situation. I am being harmed by this situation. Please put yourself in our situation and think how it would feel that some stranger has the power to change your world for good or ill.

Philippa:  So I have made it safely back into the UK and firstly want to just say how grateful I am to the people here who are just amazing and are already taking care of me and thank you for all the support from everyone on our pages. I must admit I wasn't expecting all the facebook stuff that was going on whilst I was in the air.

I love my family so so much and just want the opportunity to live a quiet and peaceful life with them, if my words are a lil messy; I apologize but am still suffering good ole jetlag. Inger has to be the most amazing person I have ever met, she has the kindest heart, shame that that heart is breaking and for no good reason. If one of these almighty people in power could give her a valid reason as to why her female partner (i.e. me) who has no criminal record, who is well educated, who works, and who is wanting to move to America, gain employment doing whatever kind of job it takes in order to support her family, is not only not allowed to be considered for the immigration process but also who gets her documents taken away and questioned when she visits. Ok so that’s enough of the third person perspective! 
The current immigration system is turning us all into liars. If you are in a same sex relationship then you have to deny that at the border because you have no legal right to be in that relationship and are automatically an overstay risk.  After 6 ½ months of not being in the country and having never overstayed a visa, I made another visit to see my wife and child. Homeland security took my documents and led me through to secondary questioning. After quite some time of answering their questions satisfactorily, they allowed me through border control.  Being selected by Homeland security was probably more due to being a single female traveler of a certain age than our situation, but it is because of that very situation that we have the additional stress and heighted nerves. It’s not just a trip that would be ruined, but the chance to be with the ones we love. These trips are often the result of months of planning and saving and the effect would be devastating were one of us denied entry. The knowledge that we are but moments and meters away from each other and it could all be thrown away without a second thought is terrifying and yet what genuine choice to we have.

So here I sit alone but not alone. Inger is always with me, not a day goes by where she isn't the last thing on my mind when I go to sleep and the first thing on my mind when I wake. She has given me so much and has taught me how to love and be loved. She has enabled me to deal with emotions and feelings that I never knew how to process so they just used to eat me up. The person that I am becoming since she has been in my life is actually someone for the first time ever, that I can say I'm starting to like. I used to focus so heavily on the negative, now I try and see the positive in everything. For as bad as everyday life is without her, I still would take this over her not coming into my life at all. 

Just over 2 years ago I watched my Dad and Mum look at each for the very last time before she slipped away from this life. I saw something that moved me so deeply....I saw the enormity of the love that created me and my brothers and felt so blessed to share that moment. In that moment everything in our lives changed but I promised myself that I would never settle for something less, I wanted what I saw in my Mum and Dad that day. A few months later as a promise to my Mum, I flew to America to meet Inger and thank her for helping me through Mum's illness. The first time I looked into her eyes, I saw forever, I didn't tell her, I wanted to be sure that my head was in a better place before expressing my feelings. I waited, went back 2 months later for Inger's birthday. We admitted our feelings and bought rings, not commitment in the traditional sense, but a ring for a promise to see where this journey would take us.

I have no regrets at all. She is the best thing that's ever happened, she is the reason why I get up every morning and strive to be a better person. She is the reason why I won't stop fighting and trying to find ways to put this family back together. I hate that I have a kid that's growing up with a part time parent, I hate that Inger doesn't have me there supporting her with our girl when she's hitting such a difficult age. Imagine being 10 years old and already having an understanding of gay rights, immigration and proposals like the UAFA. Don't get me wrong I think that it's great for kids to be politically aware, but this isn't the way in which they should learn.

I'm done for now but there will be more, I just needed to get that out of my system. Again thank you so much to everybody we can't do this without you



  1. I am so sorry you are going through this. I know this is very hard for you. I hope and pray for family is put back together.

  2. These are the strongest women I have ever "met" and they are going through something that most of us came only image. My heart aches for them and other couples like them.
    I have been trying to help get Inger and their daughter get to England to spend some precious time together and I don't know if this is appropriate but PLEASE go see my web site