Wednesday, August 31, 2011

An Open Letter to Those Who Compare Homosexuality to Incest

WARNING: Sexually explicit

WARNING: Excessive Child Abuse

WARNING: Graphic Violence

In a closet, tied to the pole where one's clothes hang, she waited. She hung by her wrists with toes barely scraping the floor. Finally, he arrived. The man that was supposed to be her protector; the man that was supposed to give her boyfriends a difficult time; the man that was supposed to walk her down the aisle; he finally arrived.

She could feel her heart beating in her chest as he slid the doors open. Would he beat her this time?

"You have been waiting for me?" One of his favorite things was to force her to answer his obscene questions. He spread her legs inserting his he asked her to tell him how much she loves it...finally he finishes by putting his penis inside...inside this little seven year old child. It feels like he is splitting her small body in half...

When he is done, she drops to the floor in the closet...her wrists raw...and from her vagina...a small bit of blood...

How dare you equate this abuse, this horror, this torture, this sickening action to that of two people being in love.

I am appalled that the two words can be used in the same sentence.

Incest is abuse. About power. About control. Nothing but hurt and hate.

The love that I have for my wife is gentle and safe and beautiful and pure.

I hesitate to say this because I don't want someone with a low IQ to say that I am a lesbian because of the abuse. The story I have told is my own. So when I say that I am appalled that someone would equate the two, I know what I am talking about. How dare you? How dare you? Anyone that would make such a statement is obviously ignorant about love and what it is like to be in love and the wonder it all.

I put this story out there for one reason and one reason only to educate people. To let them know that it is so important and imparative to have marriage and immigration equality for all Americans.

Monday, August 29, 2011

Gay - Not In Indiana (part two)

I took my eight year old son to the doctor today for his allergy shot. He asked me to come back while he got his injection.

The nurse asked me, "what is your relationship to him."

I answered, "His mother..."

Then realizing that my wife brings him to get his shots most of the time I corrected myself and said, "I am his other mother..."

The nurse looked at me and said, "are you his Aunt, a friend or what..."

I said, "I am his other mother. He has two mothers."

Still not getting it she said, "But what is your relationship to the boy..."

I replied, "I am his mother. We have joint custody. ...."

Finally, maybe a light bulb came on or because I am the insurance carrier or what ever, she gave him his shots.

This should not be hard for someone to understand as the State of Indiana does have Second Parent Adoption


The Evansville Courier Press reports the following.

Some of the comments made by our elected officials are so ignorant and absolutely clueless (and that is the kindest I can be) that it is amazing that they had the ability to be elected at all.

INDIANAPOLIS — The Indiana House of Representatives voted Tuesday evening to amend a ban of gay marriages and civil unions into the state’s constitution.

The House approved the ban on a bipartisan 70-26 vote, starting the clock on a long process that – if there are no hitches along the way – could lead to voters having the final say in a November 2014 referendum.

The vote took place after a debate that, at less than 30 minutes, was much shorter than contentious issues often command in the House.

“The basic unit of society is the family, and the cornerstone of the family is marriage. Marriage is, and should be, the union of one man and one woman,” said the gay marriage ban’s author, Rep. Eric Turner, R-Marion.

Rep. Mary Ann Sullivan, D-Indianapolis, called the ban “a blow that hurts thousands across this great state, and taints our constitution with the language of hate,” and said she has friends and neighbors who are “deeply, deeply hurt by this legislation.”

Since the vote was originally scheduled for Monday, Sullivan said she had written her comments in the form of a valentine.

She said passing such a ban “removes talented people from classrooms and business, weakens the arts, our culture and progress, makes all of our cities less vibrant and diverse – the kinds of conditions that make economies worse.”

But Rep. Ralph Foley, R-Martinsville, said the ban would have no effect on Hoosiers’ ability to live with and love whomever they choose.

“That loving friendship is a different relationship than a husband and wife, and we should recognize that in the law,” he said.

Same-sex marriage is already prohibited under Indiana law, but Turner said a constitutional amendment is necessary to keep the state’s courts from overturning that law.

The amendment says: “Only a marriage between one man and one woman shall be valid or recognized as a marriage in Indiana. A legal status identical or substantially similar to that of marriage for unmarried individuals shall not be valid or recognized.”


One of the comments made by Mr. Turner was that it is not like this is really hurting anyone. I would have loved for him to look at the uncomfortable face of my son as I tried to explain over and over again that he has two mothers. He said, "Why couldn't she understand." I asked how he felt having two moms, he says, "I feel loved, but that was uncomfortable..."

The laws that discriminate are indeed hurting people. It hurts my wife and I (we were married in Iowa...although it means nothing in Indiana). We have no rights as a married couple. It hurts my children by the discrimination that exists, approved and promoted by the Indiana government. This is not right. Our laws need to be changed to include everyone. Come on Indiana.

Friday, August 26, 2011

Not In Indiana

The State of Indiana has on it's books a law regarding Same Sex Marriage. It states the following:

IC 31-11-1-1
Same sex marriages prohibited

Sec. 1. (a) Only a female may marry a male. Only a male may marry a female.

(b) A marriage between persons of the same gender is void in Indiana even if the marriage is lawful in the place where it is solemnized.

What section b there means to me is that even though my wife and I were married in Iowa, the State of Indiana will not recognize it.


Gay Chicago News Reports the Following


A lawsuit filed on behalf of a lesbian couple, one of whom was killed in the Aug. 13 stage collapse at the Indiana State Fair, is challenging Indiana law for not recognizing the rights of gay and lesbian couples who are married.

Valparaiso attorney Kenneth Allen filed the lawsuit Aug. 19 in LaPorte County, Ind., Circuit Court on behalf of Tammy VanDam, who was killed in the stage collapse, and her partner, Beth Urschel, who was injured in the accident. VanDam and Urschel made their home in Wanatah, Ind.

The lawsuit seeks $60 million in damages based on claims that the stage was improperly constructed and that fair officials and promoters were negligent by failing to heed warnings of the impending storm and high winds that brought down the massive structure.

Seven people were killed in the collapse, including lesbian activist and health educator Christina Santiago of Chicago, and dozens more were injured.

In addition to the claims of negligence, though, the lawsuit filed by Allen alleges that Urschel was unable to recover VanDam’s body from the coroner’s office in Indianapolis, who told her they could only release VanDam’s body to legally recognized next of kin. Urschel and VanDam were married a decade ago in Hawaii but Indiana doesn’t recognize the marriages of same-sex couples.

“Here the only difference is we had two women who were married, as opposed to a man and a woman,” Allen said Aug. 22. “We believe that they are entitled to the same treatment under the Constitution.”

Allen said he’s eager to take up the issue in court in Indiana, where legislators are trying to pass an amendment to the state constitution that would ban recognition of same-sex marriages, civil unions and domestic partnerships. There’s already a law on the books in the state that bans recognition of same-sex marriages.

“I’m convinced first of all that it’s obviously unjust, unfair and inequitable,” Allen said. “But I’m also convinced that the Indiana Legislature is never going to do anything about it and unless we address it through the courts, this inequity isn’t going to change. …I guarantee that however long it takes to win this case, it will happen much faster than waiting for the Indiana Legislature to address it.”


Sadly absent from any local Indianapolis news (although I sent them the information), I got more of the story from Huffington Post Chicago

"No doubt it's a challenge, but we're up to it," Allen told the Huffington Post. "The reality is we can't just stand idly by and accept this kind of inequity. People should be treated fairly and equitably. This is fundamentally wrong and unfair and I think it's important for us to try and rectify it."

While unfair, such difficult situations are not uncommon for same-sex couples who encounter tragedy both while traveling out of the state where they live, or by simply living in a state where any out-of-state marriages, civil unions or domestic partnerships they might have are unrecognized.

Betty Tsamis, a Chicago attorney who has a long history of working closely with the LGBT community, described this fact as "the difficult and unfortunate reality for same-sex couples."

"The legal status of our relationships is a free-for-all whenever we leave the boundaries of the states that honor our relationships," Tsamis told the Huffington Post. "Just like states were allowed to deny recognition, at whim, to interracial marriages the current legal status quo has legalized this same form of discrimination on same-sex couples."


As I petition Congress both US and local to get the laws changed, I can only hope that this will help. In the mean time, please help to make change by signing the following petition.

Indiana State Medical Association “Marriage Equality and Public Health” Resolution



Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Tyranny - Our United States Congress!


   [tir-uh-nee] noun, plural -nies.

1. arbitrary or unrestrained exercise of power; despotic abuse of authority.

2. the government or rule of a tyrant or absolute ruler.

3. a state ruled by a tyrant or absolute ruler.

4. oppressive or unjustly severe government on the part of any ruler.

5. undue severity or harshness.

You cannot live with your spouse or your life partner. You cannot sponsor them for a green card or United States Citizenship. You cannot marry them and have that marriage recognized.

Does this sound foreign. Does this sound like a despot who will not even allow people to surf the internet. Does this sound like a government with the power to even limit how many children a couple has? Yes it does.

Unfortunately, it is not. It is our US Government. Time and again, the Speaker of the House, John Boehner says that they will deal with the Respect for Marriage Act, by not bringing it up for even a hearing. Time and again Lamar Smith, the Chairman of the Judiciary Committee has made it well known that he is anti-immigration reform/anti-immigrant and will not allow the Uniting American Families Act or really any Comprehensive Immigration Reform Act out of the Judiciary Committee.

This is nothing but an abuse of power. This is nothing but tyranny. It is unAmerican, unDemocratic, and against everything that has made the United States successful and great. To not even allow these bills to come up for hearing or votes, to discriminate against a certain group of people, to oppress ...well that is the definition of tyranny and the United States Congress.

For those who think I am over reacting, know that I have been waiting for over 10 years to be able to sponsor my wife for immigration. When you have been forced to endure such stress, torture and discrimination, then you can say I am being harsh and over reacting. I hold to my belief that our Congress is behaving like tyrants.

Monday, August 22, 2011

State Marriage Equality Does Not Help - Repeal DOMA Pass UAFA

Immigration is under Federal jurisdiction and therefore, the States passing Marriage Equality does not help with Same Sex bi-national couples being able to be together legally here the the United States.

What if you couldn't see your spouse? What if you went months or years without being able to hold your husband or wife? What if that decision was not yours, but your government? What if your future with your family was in the hands of a government? I am not talking about some backwards third world country, I am talking about the United States of America, where all are created equal...that is except for the second class Lesbian and Gay people. They apparently do not deserve the same rights as all American people...just ask Congress.

There are two bills that have been introduced into Congress again and again to help with this situation, yet, they have yet to be brought for a vote. This is because the GOP for whatever reason believes that if they ignore us, they will not have to deal with us. The two bills are the Uniting American Families Act and the Respect for Marriage Act.

Once again the 112th Congress (which has been called the "Do Nothing Congress) refuses to bring the UAFA and the RFMA up for votes.

Please sign the following to help repeal DOMA:

The Senate actually did hold a hearing...the first in the long history of the bill:

ABC News’ Arlette Saenz (@arlettesaenz) reports:

The Senate held the first ever hearing on the Respect of Marriage Act, which would repeal the 1996 Defense of Marriage Act and extend to legally married same-sex couples the same benefits and protections provided to heterosexual married couples.

“I’m concerned that DOMA has served to create a tier of second-class families in states like Vermont. This runs counter to the values upon which America is founded, to the proud tradition we have in this country of moving toward a more inclusive society,” Senate Judiciary Committee Chmn. Patrick Leahy, D-Vt., said.

Testifying before the Senate Committee, Rep. John Lewis, D-Georgia, equated DOMA to racism and his personal experiences with discrimination.

“As a child, I tasted the bitter fruits of racism and discrimination, and I did not like it. And in 1996, when Congress passed the Defense of Marriage Act, the taste of that old bitter fruit filled my mouth once again,” Lewis said. “The Defense of Marriage Act is a stain on our democracy. We must do away with this unjust, discriminatory law once and for all. It reminds me of another dark time in our nation's history, in many years when states passed laws banning blacks and whites from marrying. We look back on that time now with disbelief. And one day we will look back on this period with that same sense of disbelief.”

But Republicans pounced on the Respect for Marriage Act and defended the constitutionality of DOMA.

“Traditional marriage is a sacred institution and serves as the cornerstone of our society. We cannot afford to devalue it with legislation like S. 598, and we must oppose any effort that would diminish the definition of marriage,” Rep. Steve King, R-Iowa, said. “The other side argues that you can't choose who you love and that a union between two men or two women is equal to that of one man and one woman. But these are the same arguments that could be used to promote marriage between fathers and daughters, mothers and sons, or even polygamist relationships.”

The Uniting American Families Act would add three words to immigration law "or Permanent Partner". For some reason, Congress feels that they should have the power to keep us from those that we love because it would put a strain on immigration. Our immigration system is so broken and our Congress is so "do nothing" that President Obama had to take steps to not deport the DREAMers or the partners of the Lesbians or Gay people.

Do they not see how cruel it is? Do they get such a power rush by waving their all powerful pens saying I cannot be with my wife. What if Someone had the right keep them from their spouses for as long as they keep DOMA as law...for as long as they refuse to pass the Uniting American Families Act.Maybe it would give them some sort of understanding as to what thousands of bi-national same sex couples are going through daily.

Pass the Uniting American Families Act, Repeal the Defense of Marriage Act Please

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

The Irony of NOM's Values Bus and the Marriage Defense

When NOM says people are marching in defense of marriage. I tell them, "Go ahead, I am for marriage...marriage for all who desire to get married."

When NOM talks about their family values bus, I say that is great, because American families need values. I am for teaching values.

What I don't like is the assumption that because I am a lesbian, I do not have values and I am against marriage.

I could go into all of the dead beat dad Christians, the Craig List Gay Sex Republicans and the low life pedophile Priests, but I will not. What I will say is this: How dare they make this assumption: heterosexuals have values and homosexuals do not. That is a lie.

Now I cannot speak for all people desiring to be married, but I can say that all a lot of us want is the right to be married, to be able to sponsor our partners, spouses, fiancee for a green card. We want to be able to live our lives and just be... just be free .... like any other couple in the United States of America..... Just be.

Pass the Respect for Marriage Act...Pass the Uniting American Families Act so American can be with "liberty and justice for all".

Maybe the lesbian and gay people should join the crowd at the values bus just to let NOM know, that we, too, have values and are for marriage...marriage equality for all. .... or not. We wouldn't want to feed into the homophobic lies that support the hate crimes and the bullying against our youth or add to the already inflated numbers that NOM puts out...but that is a subject for another blog entry.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

It's Not Really Possible to Kiss While Crying



I am a woman born in the United States of America.

I am a woman born in the United States of America, raised by extremely conservative parents. Republican....John Birch Society.

I am a Conservative, Independent Fundamental Baptist, Born Again Christian Woman, born in the United States of America.

I am a Republican, Conservative, right winged Woman born in the United States of America, so conservative that I think that Jerry Falwell is a liberal.

I am a Woman falling in love............Dear God in Heaven, I need your guidance.......born in the United States............................

I am a Woman in love ..... in love....deeply in love...........with ...... with........I can't even say it

I am a Christian Woman in love........ with 13 years of Bible School ...Dear Heavenly Father direct me and please let your Holy Spirit guide my heart.....

I am a Woman born in the United States of love.... with a woman....there I said it out loud and God didn't strike me dead.

I am a Woman in love with a Woman. I am a Christian. I am needing to ask God for guidance..."The Answer is in the Bible"

I am a Christian Woman, born in the United States of America, with Bible College experience....I will research.

(see over 100 hours of research links at the bottom of this blog entry)

I am a Woman born in the United States of America, a right wing Christian who believes that the Almighty God does not condemn a loving monogamous same sex relationship ever...not in the Old Testament, not in the New Testament...ever.

I am a Woman, born in the United States of America in love with a Woman born in the Netherlands. I am not liking what I am hearing the Republican Party say about my life, my relationship, my sweetheart.

I am a Woman, born in the United States, finally understanding and accepting who I am ... who I have always been. It brings a lot of answers....and peace.....and happiness...FINALLY.

I am a Woman born in the United States of America in love with a Woman from Holland with no way to get her here legally.

I am a Woman, born in the United States of America, born again Christian, not so conservative anymore, just longing to be with the love of my life and wonder why so many people are fighting so hard to keep me from this love.

I am a Woman, born in the United States of America visiting Holland. Visiting the United States Embassy in Amsterdam.....telling the truth.....VISA DENIED.... I am an American Woman, born in the United States of America, Daughter of a World War II Vet, Christian, kissing the love of my life good bye for God only knows how long.....

It really is possible to kiss while crying.



I am a Woman in love with a woman, working to get the Respect for Marriage Bill and the Uniting American Families Act passed....Everyday... until I can say that I don't have to cry while kissing the love of my life goodbye....





The Bible Says - Marriage

The Bible Says - Homosexuality

The Favorite Sin of the Conservatives

Does God REALLY Hate Homosexuals?

It is Against My Religion

Can You Justify Discrimination because of Sin?

Ruth and Naomi

Jesus, the Greatest Commandment and Homosexuality

Does God REALLY Hate Homosexuals?



Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Our Leaders Are Sheep

I just read a "tweet" from one of the Congressmen that I follow. He said, "I just joined 40 of my colleagues...." The bill he is talking about totally discriminates against women's health care and takes away from many low income women the ability to get their yearly PAP smear and check up.

What I want to know is this: Do any of the people that we have elected do any research on what they are doing? Do they only sponsor or vote for bills because their "party" tells them to? Do they even know what the bill contains? Do they care?

Do they try to educate the public or their-selves as to what is accurate, or do they only feed into the ignorance.

Most of United States Citizens are woefully ignorant as to the immigration process, yet, we allow them to make decisions as to who can immigrate instead of educating them, we feed into their ignorance and fear.

I am certain that those voting to keep me from my rights because of religious belief have never ever picked up a Bible and done any sort of research. If they did, they would not be so fast to continue to allow me to be a disposable, second class citizen because I am a lesbian.


1. Make decisions based on research

2. Do Your own research

3. Don't discriminate because of religion

You don't have time? You hold people's lives in your hand and you don't have time? You are either on a power rush or you have no idea what your job really is.

You have the ability to allow my wife, children and I to live together legally and in peace. You have the ability to take my family away and dispose of them like a piece of garbage because of your religion....yet, you have never personally done any research on what the Bible really says. Let's face it, when is the last time you picked up a Bible with a Concordance and done any sort of research....NEVER. Then how can you vote intelligently based on what other people have said that other people have said that they say tradition has said.....your hold my life in your hands and you do such shoddy work....thank God you don't have my job otherwise people would die with the disdain that you do your research and how your base your voting.

Friday, August 5, 2011

The Nuclear Family

I was told by a Congressman that he was not for the Uniting American Families Act because "sure. It is right to allow nuclear families to immigrate (mom, dad, kids), but chain migration has put a strain on the system. Also, the federal gov't, IMHO, correctly, does not recognize gay marriage for purposes of "nuclear" family requirement."

I guess because I have a wife and children, I do not meet the nuclear requirements by the Federal government because I am a woman. They would rather cruelly tell me that I don't have the right to live with my wife and kids. That I do not have the right to sponsor the love of my life for immigration because I am a woman and she is a woman. Do they not realize how inhuman and cruel that really is.

If their underlying reason is religion, I have covered that more than adequately throughout my whole blog. I disagree with how you live, so you can't live. I don't understand how someone can be so horribly cruel. Do we not deserve to love and to live with our families? Do we not deserve to be happy, too. I am a lesbian, I am a Christian, I am a mother of two boys, I am a wife. I am an American. Please let me have the right to live with the rights that all American families deserve.

The Encyclopædia Britannica

nuclear family, also called elementary family, in sociology and anthropology, a group of people who are united by ties of partnership and parenthood and consisting of a pair of adults and their socially recognized children. Typically, but not always, the adults in a nuclear family are married. Although such couples are most often a man and a woman, the definition of the nuclear family has expanded with the advent of same-sex marriage. Children in a nuclear family may be the couple’s biological or adopted offspring.

Thus defined, the nuclear family was once widely held to be the most basic and universal form of social organization. Anthropological research, however, has illuminated so much variability of this form that it is safer to assume that what is universal is a “nuclear family complex” in which the roles of husband, wife, mother, father, son, daughter, brother, and sister are embodied by people whose biological relationships do not necessarily conform to the Western definitions of these terms. In matrilineal societies, for example, a child may be the responsibility not of his biological genitor but of his mother’s brother, who fulfills the roles typical of Western fatherhood.

If you would so torture people by keeping apart spouses from spouses, mothers from their children, fathers from their children, because we are homosexual, your indifference defines you and your cruelty rivals that of the Nazis who separated families without a second thought because they were beneath the dignity of the Aryan race.

First, Do No Harm

Are the statements of some Congress people and the denial of equal rights something that is effecting our LGBT youth and adults negatively? The American Psychological Association (APA)says yes.
The resolution points to numerous recent studies, including findings that "many gay men and lesbians, like their heterosexual counterparts, desire to form stable, long-lasting and committed intimate relationships and are successful in doing so."

It adds that "emerging evidence suggests that statewide campaigns to deny same-sex couples legal access to civil marriage are a significant source of stress to the lesbian, gay and bisexual residents of those states and may have negative effects on their psychological well-being."

Read the whole article in USA Today

Is this a reason for Same Sex Marriage? Arguably. However, as leadership, they really should take more of an interest in protecting our youth from the horrors of being bullyied and from feeling that they have no other choice but to committ suicide.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

The Evolution of "Traditional" Marriage

The idea of "Traditional Marriage" is a myth. At least the Traditional Marriage that people like Maggie Gallagher like to talk about has only come about since about 1968. So all the "hoopla" about this huge tradition, is really only slightly over 40 years old.

Did you know that a wife was not allowed to say her husband raped her? Even if they had been involved in "domestic disputes", even if the husband had put her in the hospital because he beat her, even if there was a restraining order against the husband, the wife could not say that her husband raped her?

You've come a long way, Congress. Now how about giving ALL Americans the right of "Traditional Marriage"


1. Adam and Eve

2. Naomi and Ruth

3. David and Jonathan

4. Esther given by her Uncle in Marriage to the King

5. King Solomon and his 1000 women

6. St. Peter and his wife (yes, that is right the Apostle Peter The Catholic Churches first Pope) was married. Jesus healed Peter's Mother-in-law.

7. The Centurion and his male "Servant"

From where does the tradition of Marriage originate then? Well I "Googled" it several times and all I can come up with is that possibly it originated with the Greeks...the Greeks? However, when I took the word "traditional" out of the search, I was able to come up with a lot more results.

"So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them."

Genesis 1: 27

I don't dispute that God created male and female. I just dispute that fact that people are taking so much of the Scripture out of context for their own agendas.

Do your own real research. Come to your own conclusions.

But don't use terms like "TRADITIONAL" when you don't understand what you are honestly saying.

Stay tuned while I research "nuclear families"

Monday, August 1, 2011

United States of America: Citizens Rights Denied!

Why should it matter to Republicans and Democrats alike? Why should Congress care if they pass the Uniting American Families Act? I can answer this with one sentence:

We are citizens of the United States of America, we should have and deserve the same rights as all citizens of the United States of America.

That should be and really is the bottom line. People have all kinds of reasons to disagree with why I should be able to sponsor my same sex spouse for immigration, but what they are saying is that as a lesbian citizen of the United States, I do not deserve the same rights as heterosexual citizens of the United States.

They can put all kinds of pretty words, Bible verses, morality, and bias to their argument. I can do the same for my side, with Bible verses, morality and equality to my argument, but it all boils down, it all comes down to, the bottom line is:

As a lesbian citizen of the United States, I do not deserve the same rights as heterosexual citizens of the United States.

Is that what you believe? Do you believe that a group of people are less because of whom they love? I do not agree with that stance. I believe that as American Citizens all should have the right to live with whom they want to live; love whom they want to love and sponsor their spouse for all citizens of the United States do. Let's try this exercise:

1. As a Christian, I believe I should be able to sponsor my spouse for immigration.

2. As a citizen of the United States, I believe I should be able to sponsor my spouse for immigration.

3. As a woman I should be able to sponsor my spouse for immigration.

4. As a lesbian United States Citizen, I should be able to sponsor my spouse for immigration.

A Gallup poll shows that the majority of Americans support same sex marriage. Most people do not know that couples are cruelly being separated by immigration law. That is because such discrimination is something that they didn't realize was actually happening in these United States. What is your stance on the rights of ALL citizens of the United States of America?